Specialist B2B copywriter and content strategist | Twelfth Day ~ 12thday.co.uk

The ever-wise Writer sent me their e-thingybob today (well worth signing up for). In it they talk about using Twitter as a way of sharpening your writing (or at least bringing your sentence length down to more manageable levels).

Long sentences are a direct route to flabby writing. So far in my work helping companies with their in-house writing, the longest I've seen was 92 words. To be sure, it was a miracle of construction. It had so many nested clauses you could lose yourself in it for weeks.

There are a number of culprits at work here:

Ironically, the first is a desire to be clear. It leads you to try to pack every possible thought into a sentence so that readers absolutely, 100% know what you're saying. Sadly it has the opposite effect.
Too many cooks. My 92 word example above was the result of numerous edits from a wide range of people. Everyone added something without anyone taking anything away.
A love of commas. (Some people are strange like that.)

Solutions

The Writer's Twitter suggestion is a good start but probably won't in itself do the trick. Sentences on Twitter may be short but that doesn't mean they're good.

Some things to try:

For any sentence over 20 words, look to see if it is in fact two or more sentences. The telltale sign is lots of nested sentences between pairs of commas.
Look to split these up into smaller chunks. Try using a three part structure (eg instead of:

With a fresh approach to the way we serve the pharmaceutical sector, Dreyfus Technologies combines pharmaceutical sector best practice with an understanding of the pharmaceutical sector’s diverse needs, focusing upon building capability to deliver improved public services.' (Yes this is an actual, albeit disguised, sentence I've grabbed off the web.)

You could have:

'Dreyfus Technologies has a fresh approach to the way we serve the pharmaceutical sector. We combine best practice with an understanding of the sector’s diverse needs. And we focus on building capability to deliver improved services.' (Structure = 'First this. Then that. And then the other.')

Not brilliant, sure, but better. With some time spent editing it could turn into something quite presentable.
If you do have to use a longer sentence, follow it up with a shorter one. It'll make it more interesting for the reader. They'll feel less bludgeoned.

And for a bit of inspiration, check out the very small stories hashtag on Twitter. You can also follow the Writer on Twitter to see how they do it.